Listening
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Leadership
SUBJECT: Listening
"One who cares is one who listens."
J. Richard Clarke
Listening is one of
the most important of all leadership skills. Our relationship with others is
based on interactions where thoughts and feelings are mutually exchanged. To
be an effective leader, you have to be a much more effective listener.
The
lack of effective listening causes many unnecessary problems such as:
misunderstandings, hurt feelings, damaged relationships, confused
instructions, loss of important information, poor decision-making,
embarrassment, frustration, loss of initiative and innovation, and
ineffectiveness.
On the
other hand, when we listen well, there are many good things that could
happen. Cooperation increases because everyone feels they have value,
dignity and something to offer. Better decisions are made. Conflict is
avoided. Stress is reduced. And members are more receptive to ideas and
often time, change.
However
we must not confuse listening with hearing. Hearing only exchanges facts
while true listening builds trust, a sense of belonging and empowers both
yourself and others.
We
build trust by learning and to learn we must listen. Perhaps that is why we
have two ears and one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking?
If we
exhibit a proper attitude in listening to others, the potential for
identifying new opportunities will emerge. We must instill among others and
ourselves that listening is an opportunity to grow. Significant leaders'
success is predicated upon her ability to listen and understand others'
viewpoints.
We
should listen without judging others. It is often times easy to dismiss
someone's concerns because "they've only been involved for a short
time--what would they know?" or, " I'm the leader--I have more experience."
Listening without judging allows a leader to truly hear what the other
person is saying and to perhaps learn a new way of looking at a situation,
or gain new insight into a persistent problem.
Listening
Techniques
-
Drop
everything. The greatest compliment you can pay another member is in
giving your full, undivided attention.
-
Find a quiet
place to listen. Avoid places that are noisy or have other distractions.
-
Listen to
understand by concentrating on the "actual" words. Tune out
distractions, especially those in your own mind. Repeat the speaker's
exact
words in your mind to really hear them.
-
Make notes,
mental and physical, about what the other person is actually
saying--not your interpretation, and most importantly; not what you intend
to
reply.
-
Force
yourself to postpone forming an opinion or a judgment about what you are
hearing. Evaluate the message AFTER you hear it and have had time to
comprehend it.
-
DO NOT
interrupt or cut the speaker short; and NEVER finish their statements.
Don't anticipate the end of the sentence. Don't assume that you know how
the statement ends, how the person feels, or where the conversation is
leading. Be patient.
-
Resist the
temptation to launch into a response. Pause before replying. Give
yourself time to gather your thoughts and monitor your emotions.
-
Listen to be
influenced. Don't allow your mind to be absorbed with rebuttals.
-
Watch for
nonverbal reactions. Observe their facial expressions, posture,
gestures and eye movements to evaluate what they are thinking.
-
Focus your
attention on the words, ideas and feelings related to the subject.
Concentrate on the main ideas and points. Don't let examples or fringe
comments distract you.
-
Exhibit
positive body language.
-
Ask for
clarification if you are unclear. Don't ask questions that will hurt,
embarrass or undermine the other person.
"Give me the gift of a listening
heart."
King
Solomon
Characteristics
of a Good Listener
(Adapted from: University of Michigan Developing Leaders for the
21st Century Series)
-
Be there. Be present in heart,
mind and spirit with the person you are speaking to. You need to hear what
he/she has to say. If you don't have the time, or don't want to listen,
wait until you do.
-
Accept. Accept the person as
he or she is without judgment or reservation even if he or she is very
different from you.
-
Trust. Trust the person's
ability to handle his/her own feelings, work through
them, and find solutions to his/her own problems.
-
Accept. Accept the person's
feelings, whatever they may be or however they
may differ from your own feelings or how you think the person should feel.
Don't be afraid that just because the feeling is expressed now, that the
person will always feel that way. Remember that feelings change.
-
Listen. Don't plan what you
are going to say. Don't think of how you can
interrupt. Don't think of how to solve the problem, how to admonish, how
to
console, and what the person "should" do.
-
Keep out of it. Keep yourself
removed from the situation. Remain objective.
Don't intrude physically, verbally, mentally. Be quiet. Listen. This is
hard and
certainly not passive.
-
Stay with the other person.
Put yourself in the other's shoes, at his/her point of reference. Don't
become that person, but understand what he/she is feeling, saying, and
thinking. Stay separate enough to be objective but involved enough to
help. Through active listening, you can become a better leader and our
organization will be more effective.
"The Ten Commandments of Good
Listening"
(K.
Davis, Human Behavior at Work, McGraw Hill, 1972)
-
Stop Talking. Obvious, but not
easy.
-
Put the speaker at ease.
Create a permissive, supportive climate in which the
speaker will feel free to express him or herself.
-
Show a desire to listen. Act
interested and mean it.
-
Remove distractions. External
preoccupation is less likely if nothing external is present to preoccupy
you.
-
Empathize. Try to experience
to some degree the feelings the speaker is
experiencing.
-
Be patient. Give the speaker
time to finish; don't interrupt.
-
Hold your temper. Don't let
your emotions obstruct your thoughts.
-
Go easy on an argument and
criticism. Suspend judgment.
-
Ask questions. If things are
still unclear when a speaker has finished, ask
questions which serve to clarify the intended meanings.
-
Stop talking. In case you
missed the first commandment.
If
we fail to listen to others we will fail in our communication responsibility
as a leader. How many conflicts might be avoided or alleviated if those
involved would stop talking, judging, and attributing motives to others and
simply listen to the other person's perspective. If we cannot understand the
other person's perspective, we will not know if we disagree about the goals
to be achieved or the method to achieve them. However if we attempt to be
better listeners, we would significantly enhance our ability as leaders of
our organization.
