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Leadership Listening

SUBJECT: Listening

"One who cares is one who listens."
                                   J. Richard Clarke

Listening is one of the most important of all leadership skills. Our relationship with others is based on interactions where thoughts and feelings are mutually exchanged. To be an effective leader, you have to be a much more effective listener.

The lack of effective listening causes many unnecessary problems such as: misunderstandings, hurt feelings, damaged relationships, confused instructions, loss of important information, poor decision-making, embarrassment, frustration, loss of initiative and innovation, and ineffectiveness.

On the other hand, when we listen well, there are many good things that could happen. Cooperation increases because everyone feels they have value, dignity and something to offer. Better decisions are made. Conflict is avoided. Stress is reduced. And members are more receptive to ideas and often time, change.

However we must not confuse listening with hearing. Hearing only exchanges facts while true listening builds trust, a sense of belonging and empowers both yourself and others.

We build trust by learning and to learn we must listen. Perhaps that is why we have two ears and one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking?

If we exhibit a proper attitude in listening to others, the potential for identifying new opportunities will emerge. We must instill among others and ourselves that listening is an opportunity to grow. Significant leaders' success is predicated upon her ability to listen and understand others' viewpoints.

We should listen without judging others. It is often times easy to dismiss someone's concerns because "they've only been involved for a short time--what would they know?" or, " I'm the leader--I have more experience." Listening without judging allows a leader to truly hear what the other person is saying and to perhaps learn a new way of looking at a situation, or gain new insight into a persistent problem.

Listening Techniques

1. Drop everything. The greatest compliment you can pay another member is in
   giving your full, undivided attention.

2. Find a quiet place to listen. Avoid places that are noisy or have other distractions.

3. Listen to understand by concentrating on the "actual" words. Tune out
   distractions, especially those in your own mind. Repeat the speaker's exact
   words in your mind to really hear them.

4. Make notes, mental and physical, about what the other person is actually
   saying--not your interpretation, and most importantly; not what you intend to
   reply.

5. Force yourself to postpone forming an opinion or a judgment about what you are hearing. Evaluate the message AFTER you hear it and have had time to
   comprehend it.

6. DO NOT interrupt or cut the speaker short; and NEVER finish their statements. Don't anticipate the end of the sentence. Don't assume that you know how the statement ends, how the person feels, or where the conversation is leading. Be patient.

7. Resist the temptation to launch into a response. Pause before replying. Give
   yourself time to gather your thoughts and monitor your emotions.

8. Listen to be influenced. Don't allow your mind to be absorbed with rebuttals.

9. Watch for nonverbal reactions. Observe their facial expressions, posture,
   gestures and eye movements to evaluate what they are thinking.

10. Focus your attention on the words, ideas and feelings related to the subject.
    Concentrate on the main ideas and points. Don't let examples or fringe
    comments distract you.

11. Exhibit positive body language.

12. Ask for clarification if you are unclear. Don't ask questions that will hurt,
    embarrass or undermine the other person.

"Give me the gift of a listening heart."
King Solomon
 

Characteristics of a Good Listener
(Adapted from: University of Michigan Developing Leaders for the
21st Century Series)

1. Be there. Be present in heart, mind and spirit with the person you are speaking to. You need to hear what he/she has to say. If you don't have the time, or don't want to listen, wait until you do.

2. Accept. Accept the person as he or she is without judgment or reservation even if he or she is very different from you.

3. Trust. Trust the person's ability to handle his/her own feelings, work through
   them, and find solutions to his/her own problems.

4. Accept. Accept the person's feelings, whatever they may be or however they
   may differ from your own feelings or how you think the person should feel. Don't be afraid that just because the feeling is expressed now, that the person will always feel that way. Remember that feelings change.

5. Listen. Don't plan what you are going to say. Don't think of how you can
   interrupt. Don't think of how to solve the problem, how to admonish, how to
   console, and what the person "should" do.

6. Keep out of it. Keep yourself removed from the situation. Remain objective.
   Don't intrude physically, verbally, mentally. Be quiet. Listen. This is hard and
   certainly not passive.

7. Stay with the other person. Put yourself in the other's shoes, at his/her point of reference. Don't become that person, but understand what he/she is feeling, saying, and thinking. Stay separate enough to be objective but involved enough to help. Through active listening, you can become a better leader and our organization will be more effective.
    

"The Ten Commandments of Good Listening"
(K. Davis, Human Behavior at Work, McGraw Hill, 1972)

1. Stop Talking. Obvious, but not easy.

2. Put the speaker at ease. Create a permissive, supportive climate in which the
   speaker will feel free to express him or herself.

3. Show a desire to listen. Act interested and mean it.

4. Remove distractions. External preoccupation is less likely if nothing external is present to preoccupy you.

5. Empathize. Try to experience to some degree the feelings the speaker is
   experiencing.

6. Be patient. Give the speaker time to finish; don't interrupt.

7. Hold your temper. Don't let your emotions obstruct your thoughts.

8. Go easy on an argument and criticism. Suspend judgment.

9. Ask questions. If things are still unclear when a speaker has finished, ask
   questions which serve to clarify the intended meanings.

10. Stop talking. In case you missed the first commandment.

If we fail to listen to others we will fail in our communication responsibility as a leader. How many conflicts might be avoided or alleviated if those involved would stop talking, judging, and attributing motives to others and simply listen to the other person's perspective. If we cannot understand the other person's perspective, we will not know if we disagree about the goals to be achieved or the method to achieve them. However if we attempt to be better listeners, we would significantly enhance our ability as leaders of our organization.